i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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