no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
