this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
