im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
