I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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