You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
