It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
