This beer is not sobering me up at all
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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