ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my vag is so smooth its legendary
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
