bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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