Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
