Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
