I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I would ride that face into the sunset
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
