Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
