i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
