captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
