gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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