I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
