Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
