i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
