She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
