I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
