i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
