My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I will pee on everything he values.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
