Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
