you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
