If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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