man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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