Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
