just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You may now shotgun with the bride
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
