I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
