this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
