So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
