i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize