I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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