Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
