You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize