I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Girls should come with a carfax report
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
