my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize