Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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