So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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