If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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