i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
