wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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