why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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