I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
