if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
