we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize