the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
