She's JV to your varsity
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
