Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
