Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
