I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The ass gains better be worth it
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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