It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
