hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize