So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
