someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
