Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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