butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Fuck appropriateness.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
