Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
