he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I wish there were birth control emojis
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
