Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Will exercising make me less horny?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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