bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
