You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
