I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
bring money and cleavage
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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