I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
