Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
