i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
