i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
