I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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