I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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